Amsterdam

Traveling isn’t always glamorous.


My friends and I somehow all got diarrhea from the same ice cubes at the most upscale bar in all of Tangier, Morocco. Yes, whatever you’re thinking, it’s probably true, and yes, it’s disgusting. It lasted about five days. I left Morocco and made my way to Amsterdam. I was in the world’s hottest freakin hostel (in August), with the tiniest, most steep steps, on the fourth floor. Shared bathrooms. One shower. It wasn’t going to be good. Europeans laugh about how air conditioning is an American thing but… why? Why don’t they have air conditioning when it is literally hot every year at the same time? A cold winter does not mean your entire continent is exempt from air conditioning.


Well, I sweated everything out, day in and day out for the next three days in Amsterdam. I prayed to red district Jesus to revive me. And he did!


When I arrived, the first thing I did was eat ramen. Hot, sodium pumping, hearty, pork broth ramen. The restaurant had no other patrons and they said it’s because it’s summer, and they don’t have AC – nobody wants ramen. The people working there were all fanning themselves with how hot it was. Again… if they know it’s hot every summer why… don’t… they… just…? Ok then. Regardless, it was perfect for me. I needed that pure animal fat to shock my immune system. I continued to sweat everything out there.


I gathered enough of my strength to pull my body through some of the world’s best art museums. Continued to look at most food with disgust. Eventually the diarrhea and fever went away. Regardless of it’s reputation as sex-positive or weed-friendly, I’ll always remember Amsterdam as the place where Van Gogh’s Sunflowers revived me.

A very sick but devoted art lover’s guide to healing:

  1. Van Gogh Museum – They have Van Gogh’s letters, contemporary exhibits, daily lectures, amazing architecture, and a fucking awesome museum cafe that remind you of why you came to Amsterdam in the first place
  2. Moco Museum – For Kusama, Warhol, Basquiat, Haring, Koons, Kusama, Hirst, and Dali. Super small museum and not worth all the “hype” unless art is everything.